Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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