her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
