I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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