Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
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Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
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It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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