Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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