Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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