4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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