Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
