So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
No stitches, just platelets and will power
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
