You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
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