how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
