I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
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she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
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We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-