I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over