Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word