He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job