We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
