conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
