What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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