I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
