ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
