You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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