Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
