put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
