i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
