Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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