I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
