Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
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He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
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In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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