one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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