I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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