mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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