I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
false alarm, still single
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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