I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
