omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
