They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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