so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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