no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
