you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
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She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
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It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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