I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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