u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
