dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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