he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
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Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
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I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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