Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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