i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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