I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
