By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize