Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
