my phone needs a breathalizer
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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