If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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