Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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