The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
