I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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