WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
