im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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