The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
