Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
