There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
