Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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